Let's also forget for a while the War on Drugs. Let's not remember how many senseless deaths, how much corruption and deceit is continually orchestrated and practiced by the USA "for the good of our children". Let's just forget all of that. We, intelligent, thinking and feeling people know it's all a pile of nonsense.

Let's simply discuss how we can protect our children. Really. Not in a manner prescribed by our incredibly useless (that's right I said it and I believe it) politicians and policy-makers, READ: Corporations. Let's do it in a manner befitting the love and respect we ourselves have for our children, families and society in general. We shall not deride pharmaceutical companies either, and I won't even mention the people that I know that "sell drugs for Satan" under the guise of using "clinically-proven" prescriptions. It's not their fault that our society is capitalistic.

When I was a kid my parents only told me one thing: "Don't use drugs". They reinforced their position by informing me that I would be beaten should I be caught using any drugs. That's not what dissuaded me. What stopped me was FUD. I had a fear of using drugs because of propaganda that I believed. I believed, somewhat from my parents, and somewhat from neighbors, that I would turn into a psychopath or die or suffer another horrible consequence by using drugs. I was also told that "bad people" or "stupid people" use drugs. My parents failed to teach me to think for myself. No worries, one learns.

When I turned 13 my bedroom was regularly rifled through. I was never asked for any particular item, nor was I told what was being searched for. The only fact that mattered to my parents was that I was 13, they didn't understand me at all, and that I must be using drugs (at that time I wasn't but their behavior helped me decide to try them...they "brought it up"). That really says a lot for my parents. Perhaps if they had spent more time being parents we might have actually had a relationship that didn't consist of mistrust, disbelief, kangaroo type justice and such. Are you a parent like this? Do you have parents like this?

But that's not really what I want to write about. I have an idea. My idea is already in practice as I actually respect my kids and regularly talk to them. On their level, and even sometimes on a level that is germane to, or on par with, the subject matter. Sometimes we discuss some pretty serious things - like rules for the park. Or what to do if I have a heart-attack and their Mother isn't home. Or a neighbor. These things are important and I have no doubt that many if not most parents have the same conversations with their children. If you're not, you need to. Right?

I want to add to this agenda and insist that we actually talk to our kids honestly about drugs. No - we shouldn't use what we see on television as a guideline. For Christ's sake it's a load of nonsense and you know it. It's important that we talk openly and honestly to our children about any subject, especially a subject that they will no doubt learn about on the streets anyway. Don't you think it's important that your children hear about this from someone they love and trust?

Many parents will balk at this idea and say how terribly busy they are at work or belonging to some organization or lacking any faith that their children will either listen to or believe them. If any of this is true than I have pity for your children - you are failing at the most important job there is on this planet. If you think being the President or King or CEO is more important than being a good parent than you are just lost. If you can't find the time, don't have the guts...whatever, you are failing at some of the most basic Human behaviors - love, empathy, compassion. Responsibility. Perhaps refocusing is in order.

My 5 year-old would say with the expression to back it up, "I'm serious."

Let's contemplate for a minute that your 9 year old daughter arrives home following school and she wants to discuss with you something she heard from school. Of course, she won't want to discuss anything with you if you are not approachable. Make yourself approachable and keep it that way. In a curious way your daughter asks you point-blank, "What's pot?" Now, I have already anticipated this and we regularly use the word "pot" when referring to a large cooking pan. I think it's a good idea to get your children used to and interested in words. Also to realize the impact and importance of words. (Do you "freak-out" when your 4 year old says "fuck"? Do you think that's wise?). With this in mind I regularly use words that are not at all common in slang. I use old-fashioned words sometimes as well. Maybe when my kids grow up they won't care so much when somebody says "gay".

How do you respond when your daughter asks you about pot? This is an important moment. It's established just by her question that she trusts, loves, and respects you. Or, at least respects your knowledge. In this moment you can sink or swim. How about you sail smoothly? How about you just tell her that pot is really Marijuana? Can you do that? Then when she asks you - "What's Marijuana?" then you can tell her what it is. Just tell her the truth. If you never tried it or really don't know what it is - tell her that! If you honestly don't know much about it than both of you should go online to mpp.org and similar sites and learn about it. I remember when I was 16 years old. I was living with my Grandmother and had skipped school one day. After she had left for work I smoked a joint in the kitchen. No big deal. The worst thing I did was to skip school, education is terribly important and I was not taking it seriously at this time in my life. Too much trouble in my life - my head was not at all clear - remember what I had mentioned about my parents. All mentioned to provide a point of reference on how NOT to behave toward your children. Anyway, after 20 minutes or so my Grandmother came back home because she had forgotten something. I "shit a brick".

Immediately she smelled the pot. Not being shy, she walked right up to me and asked what the smell was. I wasn't a liar and I respected her so I told her. Also, I knew perfectly well that she knew what the smell was. Her children were children of the 1960's. Please. "I just smoked a joint", I said. Being the mother of my mother I expected horse-whips and maces. I fully expected a violent reaction, not the reaction that I got. My Grandmother said to me, "You shouldn't smoke that stuff, it's bad for you". Yes, I'm 38 years old as I write this and I can remember the incident as if it were 10 minutes ago. It was a profound moment in my life.

She shouldn't have told me that pot was bad for me, however. It was clear that I knew far more about it than she did. I said, "No, Grandma, it's not bad for me (except for the smoking part). That's a load of crap and I cannot believe that you think that." Then she really threw me, she replied with an unthinkably open-minded and respectful demand that I tell her what I knew about Marijuana.

For no less than 45 minutes we talked about pot. I did most of the talking and she most of the listening. I told her about studies and the history of Marijuana in America. I told her that it's probation was political and that at no time in history was it documented or even recalled that anybody had ever OD'd or behaved violently from using pot. It's true - perhaps I was not your ordinary teenager, especially with what we see common among that crowd today, but I really did know all about it. Well, at least I knew what I could from the information available at the time. I was very interested because I was smoking it. At school I was the guy to go to for this sort of information. Our Guidance Counselor and School Nurse were both useless. So were most of our teachers. It was 1984, Hicksville, Massachusetts.

Not one time did my Grandmother look at the clock during our conversation. I was conscious of this because I had never been shown this type of respect from my family before. I remember thinking - 'she doesn't care that she's late for work, she's listening to me'. I was really floored. Some of you may think that this was really no big deal. Well, in my world it was the biggest. She responded with curiosity to the facts I told her. She asked me why I started smoking it and if I'd ever stop - I told her I would probably never stop. She asked how easy it was to get and if it was expensive. She asked me what my thought were on the political reasons for its prohibition and if I thought it would ever be legal in America. Also, she asked me the proportion of students at my school smoking pot compared to the total population. I've gotta tell you - I went for the big drop. I suggested that I smoke some with her that very evening.

Well, she passed on that one, but she did smile. My heart soared because my Grandmother was a person that prayed the Rosary daily. She went to church about 6 times a week and I remember her telling me stories of battles with Satan and most of the other garbage that Catholics tell their children (Don't masturbate - you'll go blind). Yet here she was in her kitchen having a very empirical discussion about an illegal drug with her 16 year old Grandson. I loathed my own parents more that day - but I had more faith in Humanity on the whole.

The last thing she said to me after she did realize what time it was could not have been a better response for an intellectual young mind. After we joked and laughed (and killed my buzz!) and learned, on all sorts of levels, she said: "Well, if you're going to smoke pot, don't smoke it in my house. I don't like the smell." I agreed. Then I hugged her and thanked her for showing me respect and listening. She smiled and said, "You're a smart kid and I love you. Of course I listen to you."

Parents, caregivers, whatever you call yourselves, let me tell you that at that moment I never loved another as much. In a million years I never expected this woman to react the way she did. I'll bet that if you take the time and put forth the effort to talk to your children about pot, or anything else for that matter, that you will see what I saw that day. Maybe not the first attempt. Maybe not the second; and I'll wager the hang-ups are yours, not your kid's. However, you will be doing a great thing that is part of your job as parents anyway.

Would you rather your kids hear about drugs from D.A.R.E? Or, only slightly less appalling, would you rather your children enter the world of drugs with no knowledge whatsoever and end up dead, or pregnant, or in jail. I'm not saying that using drugs will lead to that, I never got pregnant. OK, I'm a man, but the point is that drugs do not make the user into any sort of criminal or animal or pervert. If you believe that you've been duped by yet another successful propaganda campaign instead of using your own mind.

When I was a teenager, the most dangerous aspect of smoking pot was actually buying the stuff and evading the always vigilant eye of the law. If you've never actually bought your own "bag" you have no idea the danger of it. Being a kid I had no real connection other than the 2 or 3 older "kids" I hung around with. They were in their early 20's and had built up a trust relationship with dealers or they had longtime friends that happened to sell pot. That was the best-case scenario. If I had to get my own because my older friends weren't around, or if a friend of mine from school asked me to get some (I couldn't just bring that friend to my other friend's dealer, AYFKM?) then I had to brave some pretty scary spots. And some pretty scary people. By being illegal, only criminals dealt in the stuff...I am sure you can see where I'm going with this. I'll tell you something, I was very lucky on some occasions to be able to leave those dangerous spots by my own power.

Having to buy pot at these places introduced me to elements that I would rather have avoided. There was no protection by being a "loyal" customer, there were plenty of customers and new ones every day. There was no friendliness or playful banter. These dealers were constantly watching out for the Police and narcs and if they thought for a second that I was either I would have been killed where I stood. No questions, no discussions. If I brought someone with me that they didn't know I would have ended up hospitalized. This is no joke. These people did not "fuck around". They couldn't. I had no empathy, I was scared every time I went to places like this. Thankfully I didn't have to visit these places often. I was pretty popular with the big kids. Is your child popular with the big kids? You had better know the answer to that, and you had better start learning about your child's activities if they are. No, scratch that, you need to know anyway.

I remember having machine guns pointed at me, when accompanying a big Boston, MA drug dealer on his trip to a boat offshore to purchase his Marijuana. A 16 year-old kid has no business being in such a place. I remember violence all around me at times because of the way dealers were forced to operate. I could have seen a dealer in school the next day (yeah - that's what I said. READ: kids with guns. Although most dealers were not children) and they were as polite, nice and "normal" as could be.

Parents - the drug world is a very dangerous place. Every drug is had in America by entering the turf of a criminal. In many situations you are not only dealing with a criminal, but a dangerous criminal. This is not absolute, as I mentioned, as often I procured my pot by visiting a friend. Call me lucky, call me stupid, say what you will, just listen when I tell you that this dangerous drug arena is frequented by children for the simple fact that they have not lived long enough to have established a trust relationship with a friend. They (your kid) probably doesn't have the luxury of going to hang out at Alan's house, and oh, by the way, can I get a bag?

Please talk about drugs with your kids. Don't be afraid of what they say, and for Pete's sake - don't act like my own parents did. Maybe show your kids this article. I'm no writer but I am a man that loves his children and my neighbor's children and I've been there. I know. We live in a crazy world run by crazy people, the only thing that matters is that you love and respect your family and friends and neighbors and community enough to help your kids grow up with that same thing. Love and respect. And don't forget support.

By writing this article I hope that I have not implied that I advocate kids using drugs. I have my own ideas and so should you, but in no way do I think it's OK for your kid or mine to start doing lines ...or what-have-you. Nor do I believe that kids have no choice but to be swept up in this world. However, it's pretty ignorant and damaging for you to think that your kids will avoid this all together. It's out there and it's all around them. Prepare them for it.

Thanks for reading.

machiner 26 may 2005

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